COLORADO SPRING, Colo. (KOAA) — The holidays can be especially difficult for families grieving the loss of a loved one. For some, it's their first Christmas without someone they love, while others have been navigating this pain for years.
Darla Barbee knows this struggle intimately. She's learning to cope with the holidays after losing her adoptive daughter, Esmeralda "Ezzy" Contreras-Mata, who was a victim of domestic violence.
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"Every time that seat at the table is empty, it's hard," Barbee said.
Barbee needed time to process her grief after such a devastating loss.
"There's no getting over it. There's no healing from it," she said. "The days get better, the days get easier than they were before, but it's something now that you're gonna live with and carry for the rest of your life."
Despite being in a dark place, Barbee decided to bring Ezzy's story to light and create a safe haven for others going through abuse.
She started the Ezzy Project.
"We knew we wanted to offer that space where people could grieve and heal on their own time and their own terms. We are building all sorts of interactive animal experiences so that kids and and parents can come connect with um whatever animal works for them," Barbee says, "People can come here and stay for a week. We are putting in the tiny homes for women to come who've recently escaped domestic violence or in that in between where they are getting services in place, but they need an immediate place to go to."
"Life really becomes not a journey of healing, but a journey of coexisting with that loss and with that grief, and then doing something with that, hopefully, to help other people," she said.
But the decision to help others doesn't make the holidays any easier for grieving families, like Barbee's.
"For some people, it's a beautiful sort of distraction to get busy with the holidays. Or some people, they don't want to get out of bed and put that tree up, and that's okay too," she said, "For me, I struggle with wanting to decorate and wanting to do those things. Give yourself grace."
Mental health therapist at Ellie Mental Health Sydney Pantoja, who serves as clinical manager, agrees that there's no universal approach to managing grief.
"There's not a one size fits all fix for grief or for managing any kind of emotion," Pantoja said.
Pantoja says the first year after losing a loved one can be the hardest, but it's important for families not to suppress their grief.
"Being okay with being sad sometimes. We can be sad about what we're missing or what's different around this time of year, but also allow ourselves to feel joy and gratitude for what is still here," Pantoja said.
Pantoja offers several strategies for people dealing with grief during the holidays:
• Lean on someone you trust for support, whether that's family members, friends, or a therapist
• Keep holiday traditions alive, even if they look different than before
• Volunteer time to something your passed loved one was passionate about
Barbee isn't alone this holiday season. Teri Trudell lost her son, 23-year-old Elias Trudell, to gun violence in September, 2024. She tells News5 she is still dealing with the grief and doesn't know when it will get better.
Like Barbee, this is also Trudell's second year without her son at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
"People tell me it will get easier," Trudell said, "but when?"
For Barbee, honoring Ezzy's memory has become her mission.
"When we kind of realized what we wanted to do to help people for her legacy, we knew we wanted to offer that space where people could grieve and heal on their own time and their own terms," Barbee said.
Barbee says her work to help others is just beginning.
"We have her with us. We have her around us, and we know we're doing really important work," she said.
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