Nursing is something I worked hard to achieve. It didn't come naturally for me or Maverick (my oldest). In fact, it took a solid 4 months to get in the rhythm. I cried a LOT. The pain was unbearable.
12 infections, Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and stage 4 endometriosis all came into play. Maverick was such a small baby and needed more than I could give.
I felt so guilty.
That’s what women are supposed to do right? Breastfeed. All my sisters did it just fine. It’s the natural way to feed your baby. "Breast is best" as they say.
Well, I am here to tell you fed is best and a happy mama is a better mama. I literally felt like I was going insane and down a post-partum depression road all because I couldn’t produce enough milk for my baby.
I remember my husband going to the store to pick up formula when Mav was only three days old. I had a total breakdown. I was failing my child. I had no support telling me that formula was just fine.
Why weren’t any of the women in my life reaching out saying, “I’ve been there.” “You’ve got this mama.” “Formula is A-okay."
I ended up getting some donor milk from a dear friend of mine and luckily was able to build up my supply with pumping and nursing around the clock. And a certain medication.
If any of you would like some advice on sticking with nursing it really is possible for anyone and I’m here to help. If you want to know that’s it’s okay to let it go for your own sanity- let me be here to support you.
WEENING
Everett (our 1-year-old) has been a boob kid from day one. I swear my husband and I tried 14 different kinds of bottles. Did you know they made that many types of nipples? He refused every single one.
I got pregnant this third time around while I was still nursing. For a while I had no idea I was even pregnant. But with my higher risk pregnancies in the past I was told I would have to ween Rhett by the 20 week mark.
This poor guy, we had made it down to once or twice a day and then he would just cry the most pathetic cry until I would give in. I'm a softy. Clearly this chubster did not need it. I knew it was all about bonding.
Finally, just after his first birthday he stopped asking for it if I wasn't within eyesight so I decided to take advantage of that and went away with my husband for some much needed quality time. My amazing sister took the kids and - boom we were done. I thought it would be harder.
If you want me to be honest toward the end I was not enjoying breastfeeding. I don't know if it was the pregnancy or what, but it was totally uncomfortable and often made me nauseous. That does not mean I didn't enjoy our journey. I loved it.
I plan to nurse our third as well but now I know if my mental state is at question I will have no guilt turning to formula.
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