With Valentine’s Day this weekend, some people are preparing for romance — but others may be feeling heartbreak or noticing a missing spark. That can be especially true for those dating after a traumatic breakup or life event.
Dr. Shahrzad Jalali, a licensed clinical psychologist, trauma expert and author of "The Fire That Makes Us: Unveiling the Transformative Power of Trauma," told Scripps News that people don’t have to be fully healed to form a new, healthy relationship. She said awareness, self-trust and emotional safety can be built while healing in real time.
“The book serves as a guide to help people heal through this trauma and learn to take back ownership of their lives,” Jalali said.
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Jalali said people often see pain as something to eliminate, but she encourages a different viewpoint: reframing emotional pain as fuel rather than something to avoid.
“If we could get rid of pain, I would be the first one to make it happen,” she said. “Unfortunately, life doesn’t operate that way. When we go through something it changes us, it becomes part of us, it takes away a lot of our power, but at the same time gives us power in a different way.”
“In order to move forward, we have to learn to embrace this, how to negotiate with it, how to sew it into the dynamic that is our life,” she added. “And the only way to do that is to build awareness around it, understand it, and then to look at it from a different perspective.”
Watch Scripps News' full interview with Dr. Shahrzad Jalali in the video player above.
