Posted: Dec 29, 2009 9:52 AM by RaphaelmSeth
Updated: Dec 29, 2009 9:52 AM
Sir Isaac Newton’s law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
The government's karmic asset relief program, or "Karp," used that law to provide a lift to our nation's sagging psyche after a down year.
Their happy-tizer machine measures the bad in our lives, and recommends an opposite reaction.
For instance, if airline cutbacks get you down because you can no longer afford to fly commercial the happy-tizer calculates that what's needed to lighten your mood, is a skateboarding dog.
If you've had to sell a musical instrument just to put food on the table -- a squirrel with a cup on its head makes it all better.
And if day-to-day stress is putting a strain on your life -- how about an iguana riding a motorcycle.
The housing market took a major tumble in 2009.
When you owe more than your home is worth it's called being "underwater."
You have to fight your way through all the bureaucracy, and then the dominoes really start to fall.
Before you know it you're out on the street hanging around with tree huggers and rogue musicians.
For that we give you illuminated sheep, a shark petting zoo and a robot doing the robot.
If that doesn't blow your mind, consider that one of the biggest problems in 2009 was boredom.
Troubled times had people climbing the walls or going bananas.
Betters couldn't afford to go to the dog track, so they put their money on snails instead.
Even cash-poor civic institutions like orchestras and zoos had to combine resources to survive.
The 2009 holiday season was also affected by the downturn.
Santa had to lay off his reindeer and hire independent contractors to deliver the gifts.
And he had to cut back on the uniform budget for his helpers.
There is optimism for 2010.
Experts say help is just over the horizon.
We merely have to find our own happy-tizer, and go boldly in the direction of our dreams.